Can you take a second and stop worrying so much my love?

Being more present, having more time to witness life now instead of waiting.

A distant friend, who had sunk years into a medical profession, finally spoke to me after her busy schedule gave her a breather. I remember laying in bed with my phone on speaker as I painted my nails while she talked about her shifts at the hospital. She was in her first year of residency, and towards the end of the phone call, I remember asking her,

“So what do you think you’ll see first thing in the morning?” 

She laughed a little and said “I don’t think or predict anything. I help who I’m told, and once they’re okay, I forget it all and move on. Too much is going on all the time” 

After our phone call ended, I thought about that. Just thinking of what is in front of you, and once it’s gone, it’s gone. Quickly your mind starts a new page, and you dip your brain in fresh pigmented ink.

I worry about money before getting my paycheck. I wonder if my relationship is doomed before I make it to my date. I count my emails before showing up for work, and I watch the clock even when taking a coffee break.

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“You will never experience the future; you’re always and only in the present moment. If you’re waiting on the future to feel joy, you will never feel joy.”

Katherine Morgan Schafler, The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power

The future sounds ominous.

If not ominous, then surely not inviting or warm at all.

I’ve never asked ‘any future plans?’ and received a positive reaction. Not from old people, young people, not from parents or couples who have it all together. Everyone is afraid of the direction to go forward, and yet we aren’t even enjoying our present. 

We can’t stop thinking about the future, but we don’t discuss it because it makes conversation heavy.

But you aren’t even enjoying the current moment. This exact second your eyes trace each word I’m writing, are you enjoying your life now? Are you worrying about what you have coming up once you tuck your screen away? Are you wondering if you missed your stop, or if you’ll be late for work? Stop looking at the time. Are you enjoying today, now? 

I read

Compliments Of The Chef

, Evie’s, post a while back, and I remember bookmarking it because I knew I’d come back to it. She sits with her wonderful grandmother to talk and share recipes. Here is what she wrote;

...amazed by the realization that my grandparents were once my age. How put together and all knowing they’ve always seemed, even now.

I asked my Grandma if she ever felt like she had it figured out.

She laughed, “No, never. Never. . .I never had it figured out, I just kept trying things and trying things until they stuck.”

I think we see our parents and grandparents as somewhat mythical things. I remember one day looking at our beautiful house and turning to my dad asking “How on Earth did you buy this house before turning 30?”. 

My parents were married when they were just 21. Younger than me, but with the ability to build a life from scratch in a whole different city. Yes, prices, jobs, and opportunities were different all those years ago, but even with that, I can’t imagine doing it all alone.

I wonder now, did they have it figured out? Did they plan it? Most likely not. They just did what everyone is trying to do– find out how life works. 

I speak as a former future-overthinker. I had fears about the world ending, or the third world war taking me away in my sleep. In high school, I would buy a whole journal, planning each and every step of my school year so that I don’t fall behind. It all went according to plan, so I thought this obsession with taking control of my life was working. Until college came. 

I wanted to study abroad all my life. Travel Europe, explore cities. That was the dream. I got the grades, I did not fall behind, it was a perfect schedule. Well, no, not really.

Life doesn’t like sitting around and letting you believe you figured it out, because you can’t. Life will slap you in the face, remind you of how insignificant your powers are, then step on you. And you shall rise with more strength to do it all over again.

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Worrying usually happens for a reason. 

The future is unpredictable and unknown. (A very lethal combination.) You are completely powerless against this monster, but it sits with you. This monster is tomorrow, it’s next week, it’s the next birthday. 

Tick tock, says the future clock.

So you think you’re late and you try to hurry out the door, but once you’re on the street, you look around in mismatched socks and ask “Wait..what exactly am I late for?”. 

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

The future does not mean how perfect your life should be. The future is not the enemy, stop giving it all the credit. 

I sat with myself last year as I waited for test results to come through on whether or not I had cancer. As I sat in front of my screen, I remember thinking, ‘what if I die before writing a book?’. 

My mind practically screamed at me and said, ‘Write it now then!’. The results were negative, but the fear was real. And I had let unpredictability win over me, so I started writing my book.

How can I stop worrying about my future clock? 

For starters, what exactly are you worrying about? A job? Relationship? Money? 

Ask yourself if whatever you’re overthinking about is within your control. If yes, make a plan and take action instantly. If not, accept your powerlessness against it and let it go. 

We often push this feeling down because we’ll deal with it tomorrow. We avoid it. Doing this will only inflate it, making it seem a lot bigger than it is. Let the fear come to you and sit with it. Ask it questions, even write it down. Let it pass through you. Once you feel more present, more grounded, read whatever that fear is out-loud. And you’ll see how small it was, and how big it felt. 

There is no such thing as a deadline in life. Where your friends end up in a year or two won’t be where you go too. There is no ‘one stop for all’ train. You have a different journey, you have a different plan, you have something entirely different made for you. How thrilling is that?

You don’t need to be this or that in five years, there is nobody chasing you, you are okay. Look at the day today.

Don’t count tomorrow’s to-do list. You can only live in the present now. Each second is fleeting away, gone forever. The future will always be there, today won’t. Prioritize what won’t return. 

To end this, I leave with one last movie clip I think everyone should watch. I watched this movie as a kid repeatedly, so maybe I owe some of my wisdom to Robin Williams.

Thank you so much for reading. Leave a comment or share it with someone you think could use it. Smile my loves, it’s sunrise.

Love always,

Mary T.